Special Tea: Malai maar ke..

Once upon a time there was a lady who was appointed as Assistant Warden for the great hostel. Her prime responsibility was to ensure that girls were taken care in the hostel and they do not get an opportunity to sneak away (with or without a guy was not a point then). This lady was in her late forties with grey & black hair which were never colored. She seemed to be too much into godly stuff (by that we mean praying etc)… and had a peculiar way of greeting people. She used to ask – “ theek ho, theek ho” whenever u see or greet her. Theek ho was twins for her… by which we mean she never uttered single theek ho! So sometimes we used to ridicule her as theeko aunty. We also had our set of clowns who used to go and ask her “theek ho..theek ho aunty?”

She joined when it was ragging time for us. We were counting on her as to be a rescue agent who will free us from the inhuman treatment of our seniors. We wanted her to know that we were being ragged in a college where officially ragging was ban. None of us could open up to her and tell her the truth as she was new in the system and her credibility or what you can call as reliability was not known to any of us. We were also holding back thinking what if she turns out to be a relative or a known aunt of a senior and reveals the complete thing to them? The possibility of such a deadly scenario’s outcome was way beyond our imaginations! Senior would not only rag but will rip us apart if they come to know that we opened our mouth.

The only hope of getting relieved from such a treatment was to get it noticed without being caught. As always seniors had called us at a ghastly hour to rag. They assumed that Assistant Warden had slept at ground floor in her room and it was safe. We had planned in a different manner. 2 of us had gone to ask for medicines which were in assistant warden’s custody. (Why medicines in Custody – “Guess the hostel management feared that girls might not like the food in hostel and depend on tablets as a supplement to food for they were free of cost).

She asked which one and they randomly picked a name as though there was something fishy. She gave the medicine and sensed it. We were 100% sure that she smelled the thing and would come in the direction just like a dog comes chasing from a piece of meat. While we were getting ragged, she appeared from no where and just saw all of us sitting on ground floor and she saw all seniors on the chairs/Bed. She asked seniors “What’s happening?” and they answered that just a get together and pretended it to be a birthday party of one of them. How instant their excuse was. Wardie assumed it to be true and joined them in their false merriment. She felt sleepy and excused herself. As she left, we all felt like idiots. We realized how dumb she was to not figure out a ragging session. We had to convince ourselves that she had done her graduation some 30 yrs ago and then ragging was not a word which was this popular. This buzz was to create panic for destitute like us.

The ragging saga continued and scapegoats (we) were slaughtered everyday. We just returned from college one afternoon and saw 2 cute looking - fat girls sitting there. (I always argue with my friends that fat people can also look cute & when they don’t agree, I tell them look at me and the instant agreement comes). They were of our age. We thought 2 new bakra’s of the season and we smiling within. Our happiness eloped when Wardie told us that those were her daughters and had to come to stay for a day to experience hostel life. (Yes, why not after all it was 8th wonder of this world to see and experience!)

Anyways, we had nothing but to accept the uninvited guests. Those two moron were put with us to experience the hostel life…We had to tell them everything on how we do things…how we crave for homemade food, how we miss families...how badly we miss friends (shhhhh….not to be confused with boyfriends) etc etc. After giving download, we presumed that it was an end of the whole “feel-like-zoo-animal” experience (but assumption & presumptions are mere imaginations and just a feel good factor thing). The frightful experience was awaited and we presented ourselves on senior’s floor at the ghostly hour. As they were about to address, we saw Wardie & gang of two fatso daughters. We thought it’s a coffee break but they came and made themselves comfortable on chairs which were empty there. Seniors continued as if it was a normal session and we had 3 mute spectators there who were enlightening themselves with our oscar winning performances. We pitied ourselves and gave the best performances. As we thought we had done enough of entertainment to our esteemed guests and respectable seniors, the last in the series was the “Guest's Demands”. Now unbelievably those B***** had request for a Mujra performance. Saying no was never an option. (We could relate ourselves to hema malini of Sholay, who says nahinmnnnn….main naachoongi…jab tak hai jaan….). After our customer felt delighted, we were sent back and another chapter of humiliation book was completed. It was then, we could relate to the episode of Wardie turning on her first night of round and leaving us without rescuing coz she was all determined to show her daughters what is called as an “adventure”.

Ragging was over and we became good friends with seniors. There was a lady called Lovely who was really lovely :) She was a sort, who wud do anything for friendship. She was thin girl with wheatish complexion & a blunt cut. Wardie slowly turned into a leech (leech: an animal which stick to human and leaves after sucking all the blood). She used to irritate by engaging in long meaningless, mirthless conversations. It was becoming intolerable for all…including seniors. (Putting a plastic smile and responding to twin theek ho was not easy...Mind You!)

One fine afternoon, we were assembled at lovely’s room and we were casually chit chatting. The grand entry of Lady Wardie happened and the fun turned into a nightmare. She started addressing the assemblage and lovely lovely got pipped and found a way. She excused herself by going for a cup of tea. We were never told those many stories by our grandparents. Those god stories were good for our database but the overdose acted like a horror film and our faced had turned white as a consequence... She banged the door with her leg & could spot her frozen friends. We saw that she was holding a cup of tea. Like a decent (superlative degree) girl, she offered the cup of tea to aunty of all the people. We felt like throwing the same hot tea on her face and ruining her face for pleasing aunty for no rhyme or reason. Aunty sipped the tea and lovely kept observing her face.

She broke the silence by asking Wardie “ hows the chai aunty”.

Aunty replied “ very tasty”
Lovely –“ I made it specially for you”
Aunty –“ How”
Lovely – Actually I went in the mess and made it myself. It’s a special chai..malai maar ke (added cream) …cant u figure out
Aunty – yes..yes..its wonderful!

Aunty left and lovely fell on her bed…much relaxed. We “the frozens” were confused with lovely’s gesture towards aunt and we were speechless. “Wud she do *** licking of such people?” was all that crossed our minds.

Lovely said - “ Comeon guys, relaxed!”

“How could you do it? You know what state we were in lovely! Your gesture will welcome her further to our rooms…as it is we don’t study but after being cooped here...gossiping is the only medium to refresh ourselves and gossiping doesn’t mean talking about gods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” One of the girl shouted on her.

Lovely tried to calm us down but invain. She shouted back on us and we all were mum for a minute. Then she explained “You guys think I was pleasing her? Are you guys nuts? ...i haven’t done a single act of humanity in my entire life and I wouldn’t start from her atleast! I went to get tea for myself, as my head was spinning!…but then a trick flashed to me. I took the tea and while coming down I had spit in it. I came and gave the same tea to her to vent my frustration and told her that it was exclusive for her coz it was malai maar ke”.

We did not know how to react on it...it was disgustingly funny for us. She made our day and we promised ourselves that whenever we are irritated and can’t see any mercy, we will vent out frustrations by giving malai maar ke chai. That became the special chai of the hostel. That was the day people took the last tea from each other. Every girl preferred getting her tea in her own mug in front of her ;)

Internet and Eggs

Well...when living in an all girls domain, you sure are bound to face certain restrictions on interacting with outside world. We, like any other hostel inmates, also faced the same. Regardless, we knew how to make things work for us..:D

In our hostel, there was a norm, a protocol for outings (outing = going out of hostel for 3-4 hours MAX). We were allowed an official outing of 3 hours every week. This continued to happen until some girls did some nasty things and were caught hanging out with their boyfriends. Stupid Morons!! Guess they didn't hear of little something called as ' Play Safe'. Anyhow, we used to go out every week for these many hours and were happy in our petty lives. The, all of a sudden someone had an idea some day of watching a movie. Unfortunately, the monthly outing had just gone by and we had no option other than to wait till next week. But BAM!! some one's brain got enlightened with a halo and a circle of enlightenment and we had an idea. 'What if we cook a fake story about some tutions in Sec 14. Wardie won't say no. She can't stop us from studying. That's what we are here for!' . After some amendments here and there, we were able to come up with a fool proof plan and we approached wardie very next day first thing in the morning. As expected, she signed the outing slips. This used to be another 'will-she-won't-she' moment for all of us. Whenever we were up for some mischief which required us to travel out of college campus, we had to send out outing slips to Wardie so that she signs it and we have the pass. The time between us filling the slips and it coming back signed, used to be horrible. What if she calls our parents? What if she sends Bassruddin after us? What if this..What if that... Actually we knew that our Warden has nothing more exciting in her life than to keep a check on us. That's why we used to be so skeptical.

And hence started the tradition of 'Tutions' for outings. We started using our tution excuse for every damn thing, shopping, movies, dates[;)] etc etc. It was fun. You know the feeling when you are free and not free at the same time. Im not sure if you know, but it was that kind of feeling. We roped everyone possible into this. Our day Skii friend Chetna, Shipu's cousin Shalini Ma'am, the internet cafe female..everyone was kept in sync that we come to their shop etc for tutions. And instead, we used to roam around, eat golgappas, shop, create unnecessary scenes, enjoy the attention everyone around used to give us. It was fun. Real Fun. When we din't know what we were doing and why we were doing what we were doing. Innocence, immaturity..I don't know. But whatever it was, it gave us those moments of fun which we remember and laugh at, till date.

One more thing associated with these tutions was 'Eggs'. Now we as deprived and starved hostelers, used to eat anywhere..and anything..literally!!. Road side vendors, chatts, fried stuff, no matter how dirty the vicinity is, eggs, paan...anything and everything was welcome.

One of those days, we as usual were standing on thela ( road side cart) of eggs and were enjoying the delicious eggs being served hot by the guy. We finished our business and stopped making noise and left after our tummies were full. I can't believe we used to eat 3-4 eggs at once. I mean, how starved were we.??..Anyhow, next day we went to college and a day scholar came to us. The conversations went like:

Day Ski(DS): Yaar my father saw u guys standing at that thela yesterday eating eggs.

We: Ya..the eggs over there are awesome..u too try them..

DS: No No...u din't get me..Its not good, you people shud not do this.'

We: .Not Do What? Eat..? We shud not eat? If thats what u mean?

DS: No...its not good for girls to stand at roadside vendors selling eggs. BAD girls do it. those who don't belong to good families.

We: Ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....whats she saying man...what does families have to do with us eating eggs.?? Listen Babe..we eat 3 egges per head everyday. You promise you will bring us the same everyday and we promise we won't eat there anymore. But..i assure you...our families won't mind us eating anywhere as long as we are onay with that. So..do u agree to bring us these many eggs daily?

DS: .....................................................................i don't know what to say.....................................

We: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...bye!!! if you want..you can join us today..we'll be at that thela aroung 4 ish..c ya..and don't forget to bring ur dad...Let him see what a sad little life he is making you to spend...:D...ha ha ha ha ha....

And we continued eating eggs at that thela and at least my parents never objected even after i told them this story. Besides eggs, we also stareted eating paan, chicken soup, dosa etc at such roadside vendors.

Does anyone have a problem with that???:D:D:D

What do girls talk abt: Episode 2

Now an example of what girls talk about in free time. Cheap wouldnt be a wrong word i guess.

(group conversation)

A: Heyy do u know Miss X in BBA, that day scholar yaar?
B: she, that sick looking female with those dirk circles
C: Oh yes, heard she isnt good in studies but has got a boyfriend
B: someone told me that her boyfriend looks yuck...

A: Ok guys, now did anyone noticed her lips?
B: Yes, those rough ones, she needs a lip guard badly!!!
C: when is her b'day, we will gift a big vaseline!!

A: ok, now i wanted to share a secret (which no longer remains a secret)...guess what???
B: whats that now..dont be a bitch..tell us fast...i m dying to listen
C: she wont tell us so easily...ok what in exchange?

A: nothing in exchange idiot...she smootched her BF and she said it was Heaven
B: (munching her burger) So whats so special? So many girls smootch their bfs and we are only fools on this earth
C: (staring on B's burger and expecting her to leave the last bite) Well she is right whats so special abt smootching?

A: u gals are silly. That cracked-lips-female got a smootch and we hot babes with super soft maintained lips in winters are just observing others. Its a shame!!!
B: yeah it is! but cant smootch each other naa...otherwise we wud have got a tag of LES..
(passing the remaining burger to C and getting into a serious mode)

( C starts lauging hysterically and others look at her with a question mark at their face)

C: dont look at me like that!! i was just thinking something...

A.B: WHATS THAT?

C: Was wondering how her BF wud have reacted after smootch???? U never know if her lips would have peeled off in his mouth!!!!

A.B: YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats how all our discussions ended in.
"Always in wild imaginations"

What do girls talk abt: Episode 1

Girls sitting on a corner table of canteen and thinking about the innovative ideas of bunking classes just to sleep for some more time in hostel. Discussion is happening between four gals A,B,C and D. (keeping identity secrets as 1 is married, 2 half-married and one going to hunt pretty soon. so such such things can create probs if hubbies finds out the "cheap" stuffs)


A: Hey, Lets stop thinking on this and attend classes otherwise, lecturer will come searching us in our bed and quilt also. Thanks to B (who happened to be cousin of a strict Lecturer)
B: Oh plssss!!! its not my fault. She doesnt come as a sister. She comes as a faculty ok!!
C: Stop fighting guyss and lets think of somthing fast.
D: I guess, We should attend classes as my attendance is short and peon will not do the attendace fraud this time. He was angry last time as well...

(A and B Looking at the other girls in the canteen and their mind running like a speedometer for ideas)
(C and D breaking their heads with usual and traditional methods of bunking)

B: Heyy See that female standing at the counter and ordering for tea. See her _____
A: Huge...my my how does she manage?

C and D: (in chorous) where?? (looking towards the direction)

A: Abey that female in white transparent salwaar kameez (pointing in her direction)
B: white-Xtra-transparent (correcting her)
C: shit!! how can their parents allow them like this?? my brother wud have surely taunted had i been at my place.
D: Well i guess thats king size and guys prefer that. Do u know??


A: Yes i know, but those are not well shaped. They would not attract guys as per me...
B: how can u say that? i feel thats why she has dressed up this way
D: surely riksaw wala wud have got attracted. Bad seducing stut. She needs training...
C: I am jealous of her to be frank. I am feeling complex looking at hers
A: Yeas, Neighbours envy, Owners pride. Typical Onida Ishtyle


B: heyy lets go, otherwise i will get nice sisterly lines in front of class. Your innovative ideas have already done wonders. lets pack and run.

Chicken Soup

You can bet upon girls being born miser. They have plenty to spend on the expensive brand of cosmetics but when it comes on s spending or lending others, they have a pet dialogue " I am broke, u see"
Thankfully we never had those many outings to use these kinda dialogues but cost cutting was always our motive, Coz internet parlours were charging too high for mere surfing. Cost cutting did include cutting on food from big restaurants and we became vegetarians..diet concious u see...(read diet as price)

One fine day, our eyes caught a dhaba in the main market which remained unnoticed for 365 days. We in-decent girls looking at the painted rate card on the wall planned to checkout the stuff...Non veg was out of question but u still look at items u dont wish to eat just to increase your GK (or RK: Rate Knowledge)
we all were startled when we saw this "Chicken Hot and Sour @ 7 Rs". Our eyes twinkled with the prospect of having a chicken within budget and that too in a Veg college...veg hostel and veg mess...We ordered 3 soups and got them parcelled. One of us "Pooja" as the name suggest was a pure vegetarian and gave weird looks when saw us taking those parcels..(Hostel secret 1: she hid her bowl just to avoid the smell and avoid cleaning it..which none of us liked in winters until fungus and bad smell filled our rooms and corridors)

But attimes small things do motivate and soup was a big motivating factor and we did wash our long pending dirty utensils with ice cold water of winters. Hurried to room like a drooling dog for savoring the super HOt soup. Poured the soup in one bowl (to avoid cleaning 3 utensils next time) and were relishing that sombody knocked the door. (Hostel secret 2: We were in the habbit of eating good food with the rooms bolt)...seniors (also called as mangta party by us) were always in 24/7 enquiring for snacks or anything eatable and unfortunately most of them were non vegetarians. We opened the door after keeping the bowl down the bed with our dust platted sandals which i guess any decent person wud not have guessed on this earth. After few minutes we had to take out the soup, keeping the indian tradition in mind "Athithi devo bhava" ;)

We all were eating in the same bowl that in the meantime one of seniors asked the name of the restaurant. We three started looking at each other thinking that if we tell that we got it from a dhaba they will surely kill us..so we happily told the name of the best restaurant in the town.(Hostel secret 3: u can eat shit from the best restaurant in town and ppl will praise u and if u eat good stuff from a small joint..ppl will kill u virtually with their taunts and comments) We had not finshed half the quantity that someone from us uttered " 7 for a bowl isnt bad".That was it. All the faces tuned to us and they all had what-did-u-say looks. They kept the vessel on our study table (Hostel Secret 4: Study tables were used for all puposes but for study) and waited for a while..i guess were trying to recover from a shock. The next sentence from them was " bloody 7 bucks doesnt fetch u mineral water and u got hot and sour" could not answer that and were standing still looking at each other's faces. They instructed us in a harsh voice to 'throw the rotton stuff'....with a heavy heart we carried the bowl and went to washbasin...or wash-face-in during winters ;) and started cursing them.

All this while the soup was heaven and and 7 bucks made it hell. How can people be so diplomat? We sat on the bed quitely when the big lectured followed after a small silence " these chicken chunks are of infected ones...." as if the hen came and discussed her infection issues... "...and they have serious non curable disease..." which i guess a vetinary doc himself would not be aware of "...and can lead to serious health problems...blah blah blah" well i guess only brain would have got infected in worst case as our stomach became strong enough to digest an earthworm or a lizard.

That was end of our chicken soup story and i guess they scared us enough with those sickening infection stories that we never went to the dhaba again in next 365 days...

Namita's FITS..;)

Ragging sessions used to be fun..for those who had to stand quietly..u know there always are some juniors who are more notorious, with attitude that seniors can’t stand..and things like that…..in all they used to be more sought after than others….consequently, they used to be more grilled in the sessions..they were made to do weirder things than others so as to show them what they are…that was seniors way to break their ego…
There was a group of girls, comprising of this girl namita kukreja, she was in BBA, and used to think herself of being very happening and hip hop…she was an idiot I tell u..
So, namita..she belonged to the category of those juniors with attitude and was made to feel most embarrassed while being ragged. On her very first day, she had a heated argument with one senior, mudita Sehgal…and this heated conversation made her pay a lot in future..
That was the very first day, rather night, and mudita was kind of trying to be typical senior kinds.giving instructions and stuff like that when namita argued over something and very well gave mudita a left right and walked out of the room..that was enuf to aggravate senior ego..next day when more seniors dropped in the hostel, mudita made namita feel miserable..and somehow very brave and bold and outspoken idiot namita couldn’t answer the way she did on the other day…
This thing continued..everytime seniors had to play some prank, namita used to be the target..and then one fine evening…all of us were made up..i must say..we were applied lipper, eyeliner,and other make up in the most wild and dirty and yuck ways…we were looking beyond scary..and namita was made to face the worst out here also..her hair was very curly and wavy..and mudita tied her hair in a way no one can imagine…she was looking literally horrible…
And it was difficult for us, her batchmates, to stop laughing at her..don’t even ask what kind of hysteria seniors went into..they went mad laughing at her…and she was so very cross..and so embarresed…
Anyhow…after loads of fun…seniors signed off…
We juniors used to sit together in groups, and discuss everything that happened during ragging..
That night, when we were bitching about seniors and doing out usual masti, namita started crying…badly..and it was too difficult for us to console and control..but all in vain…
She was crying bitterly..and was getting breathless with every sigh…
And finally, she kind of collapsed and we all panicked to hell..called wardie..and namita was rushed to hospital…
Now our seniors were scared to their soul..they feared we might not complain against them, they would have been in gr8 trouble then…so they called all of us..danced with us..sang all thru night..kind of made us feel friendly…how diplomatic..
Anyhow..
Till date I don’t know if the fainting episode of namita was genuine or not..she was that kinds only..u can never believe her…
But that episode made us see a lot of dance of seniors..and we had fun..
:)

Around the hostel in 60 days...

Ragging ...well whatever Reems described in previous post wasnt end of it...there were so many things that u will go mad reading...so here we go with a small sample of wat all we did in ragging...i mean it..its just a sample..


Dress code during ragging: Tricolors..that means wear kurta of some color...pyjamas of some other color..and duppatta of third color, such that these colors shld not match...put hair oil and floroscent color ribbons with "Do choti"..and hawaai chappal

Now coming to what all we did:

**********************************************************************************
Mujra: There was a queen of these mujras. Archana..she used to do mujra in front of us..yes not willingly but forcefully. we (juniors) used to be the mute spectators, who were not supposed to laugh. Seniors used to pretend as people who came for watching those mujjras with gajras in their hand passing all filthy comments..The song which was favorite to our seniors was " Dil Cheeeezj kya hai..." emphasis was on cheeeez in a desi ishtyle...

***********************************************************************************
Then Second thing which they forced us to do was: while eating our dinner they used to pick any junior at random and order her for bringng a jug of chilled water...they used to repeat this for 8-9 times...that was thing which we preferred initailly (as was the easiest task) but were bugged after sometime.
juniors were not behind: Once they asked us to fill the jugs so we all went to the water cooler and stood there thinking how to take revenge. Nothing much flashed and came up with a very cheap solution...guess what. All of the juniors spit in the water jug and made the seniors drink that...and they drank it...shucks..we were so bad !!! but everything is fair in love and war ;)


***********************************************************************************
Once they asked us to write essays on different topics and all the topics were just so cheap that any female from good family wud not dare to open her mouth on that...but we did it...we had to...who won? Well there was a female called Suvigya who won...and believe me her topics was as shitty as u can think..keep guessing abt it...;)


**********************************************************************************
Then they made us do various things...mimicries...songs..this was cool...some situations to play...like one being..
Girl is pregnant and boy friend is not ready to marry her...create dialogues and absorb urself in the characters..well wasnt tough for creative ppl like us.. :))


***********************************************************************************
Then the favorite of their time pass was Tiggi Panji. Let me explain how it works ;) they made juniors bend 90 degrees. Then the stood/sat right behind them. When they say "Tiggi" u have to move your butts to right when "Panji" butts to left...the speed of tiggi panji used to be slow and this wwas how they enjoyed the rythem...

(Slow) Tigi..panji..tiggi..panji..tigii...panji...tiggiii tiggii tiggi..tigii..tigiii..panji panji panji panji... (fastest)...

amazing thing to do ;) even juniors cud not stop laughing :)) i recommend this to all seniors... ;)

***********************************************************************************

Then they made couple of us (Poonam and Swatika) to lay eggs like a hen and one to collect the eggs behind the hen ;) was fun...

************************************************************************************

Then came the ultimate nite which made most of us cry ..yes we cried...not reema..but i cried ;) They called us in a room in the midnite..half of us were sleeping..they woke us by saying its urgent...we all gathered in a room. They asked us to remove the pyjamas and stand in a corner, wearing only Kurta...half rape kinds...kher it was a nightmare for decent girls like us...

***********************************************************************************

Freshers nite..the last day of it...

We were all dressed in sarees..the dress code for freshers...they made us walk on the ramp...CAT WALK u know...after that seniors presented some items on the stage...The function was good..had dinner there...then came back. The instruction which was given to all was not to change the dress...Nite at 1 they called us..we all were waiting in a room for their call nervous and scared...

This was called as "Droupdi vastraharan" They pulled the sarees of juniors one by one ..repeat telecast of Mahabharata...and that was the end of their cruelty and ragging :)

After that everything was so different in the hostel...that was a new morning where we were not supposed to obey them..and were free to do things we liked...

I still remember a Quote that was written on one of the room's door...

"Hostel is an adjustment and we are adjusting"

there were some interesting quotes in girls hostel ...and some girls talk...those will be posted here very soon...keep watching..

Signing off for now :)

S